Please God. Break these holds. I can't let them go. Gripped or unwilling to let go? It's been too long to count, too long to put a finger on when it began. I cannot seem to escape it. Busyness makes me seem to have a victory but there is nothing in it. Have I lost a feeling of regret? Have I lost my guilt over this?

Why does your grace cover me? Why? There seems to be no victory in sight, no repentance and desire to change. Why do you still call me your son? I cannot seem to get over these things.

It's not about what i do. Or not all about it. It's about where my heart lies. Who my God is. It's about my salvation and where I look for it to come from.

God change me. I need you more than I know. This is a bitter reminder that I cannot measure up to the standard you set, not on my own. I need your arms to hold me, your light to guide me, your love to secure me, your grace to remind me of what I am. You are a God who is perfect in all that You are. All goodness. All love. All knowledge. All power. All wisdom. All patience. All control. I need more of you. I am nothing when left on my own. God please impart who you are to me. Pour it into my heart, for the glory of your name. I want to live a life that will be some sort of thanks for who you are and what you've done. I need you. Life without your love is shallow and unable to fill.